Fairytale? Not yet...

I have recently found that I need to be more careful with who I let hold my heart. Right now it's pretty tattered, torn and broken...... but I guess that I can't blame anybody other than myself for lacking good judgement and common sense. Like I said in a previous post, sometimes you just gotta jump. But sometimes it's more wise and safe not to. I guess that's where good judgement comes in, something I obviously lack. I jumped and fell for someone who was too scared to jump for me. I could be angry and bitter, but I have to say that I wish I would have been too scared....instead I overlooked all the would-be fears and hold backs.  I've been looking for and expecting a fairytale. Sure, call me naive and a romantic fantasist but I am still looking for and expecting my very own fairytale. Out of trials come growth and expansion, and I know that from these experiences, I am just being more refined and prepared for my very own Prince Charming. :) My life may not be fairytale.... not yet at least. :)

Truth in Reality

What is truth? Is it what we personally believe, or what we are told? How do we distinguish between what is true and what is false? Some people believe that there is no truth at all, only perception and different opinions. Others would argue that there is a distinct difference between true and false. Personally, I think that human nature is to believe in the world that you are born into.  Human nature is to cling to the truth with which we have been presented. Repeatedly and unfortunately in today’s world, people have become comfortable in their own personal lifestyles and traditions that they have blindly followed all their lives. Realistically, this behavior is human nature. Being naturally afraid to venture outside of our habits and personal cultures is common in our world and throughout history.  So what is truth? From human behavior and personal experience, we tend to cling to the truth with which we have been presented.

Roller coaster

Life is a roller coaster, there is no denying that. It's interesting, the older I get and the more I progress through life, it seems as if the highs are higher, and lows are lower. This is the time in my life where I am making the most important decisions I will ever make. I feel like every little decision I make right now affects my forever. It tends to be a little overwhelming at times but I just have to keep in mind that my life is whatever I make of it. My decisions determine my future, it's simple. Recently I have done a lot of reflecting on my life so far and it's so interesting because I have had a lot of ups and downs, and the ups are what stand out in my mind throughout my life, but the downs are my moments of growth, strength and refinement. I can only imagine the hills and valleys of marriage life, and then as a mother. Although they are never "fun," I have learned to appreciate the lows in my life. Without the lows I would never appreciate and love the highs. Life is a crazy ride, and I am just loving every single one of it's twists and turns.

Slow Down

I feel like I am constantly eager for the next phase in my life. I can never just be satisfied in one place. I graduated high school early, and went to my first semester of college in Hawaii. 

Near the end of that first semester, I had decided I would stay there for my college career, but the closer it got to the time I would be going home, the more unsure and confused I felt about my decision to stay in Paradise. I prayed a lot about it and eventually decided that I was not meant to stay. So I came to BYU Idaho....quite the transission let me tell ya! I am now in the middle of my second semester here, and already am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life....The Utah College of Dental Hygiene. I found out I got accepted a month ago and now I am just sitting around waiting anxiously for this next part of my life. Personally, I just don't particularly like the feeling of being content in one place, and one state of being. I am constantly wanting to grow, to move, to change. It's those times that I am just waiting and waiting though, that I find things in life, simple, small things that make me happy. A conversation with a friend, a smile from a stranger, a good grade on a test, a date, a heart to heart. These little things are the very things that I forget to acknowledge when I am going 100 miles an hour through life. It's when I slow down for a moment and just enjoy life that I realize that there is so much more to it that I often don't take the time to appreciate and love.

So the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

How do you distinguish between what you want and what is right? It's hard, that's for sure. And even if what you want is a good and uplifting desire, sometimes it still just isn't RIGHT. Plain and simple. Today I realized that my heart and my head have very different opinions. Sometimes you have to listen to reason and logic and sometimes you just have to throw that out and follow your heart. It's easy to choose what you want in life, and out of life but it's difficult to determine if what you want is what you're supposed to want. So what do you do? It's a hard question that I wish I knew the perfect answer to. What did I do? Well I chose to follow my heart, which was a hard decision for me because I am the type of person to always obey what my head tells me makes sense. But regardless, I put myself out there.

 Sometimes something isn't right for certain reasons; unrighteous desires, selfishness, one-sidedness, TIMING. This time it was timing, which is kind of a big deal. I believe that things happen for a reason, and there is a time and place for everything. And this time my wants and plans weren't in agreeance with timing. So even though the answer isn't what I would ideally want in any way, shape, or form, it's what's RIGHT. And I am confident that it will be for the best even though it's not easy. Often in life, and definitely in this case, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

sometimes you just gotta jump.

There are oppurtunities that present themselves in life, and sometimes they don't come at the precise time that you would prefer them to come. But they still come. And when they do, if it's a good oppurtunity, why waste it and rob yourself of what could be amazing? It may not make sense at the time, but sometimes you just gotta jump and hope you land on two feet. Sometimes you do, and sometimes you don't. And if you fall, then you get back up again, and at the very least you won't go through life wondering what it would have been like to jump. Decisions are risks. Relationships are risks. It's putting your heart out there and submitting it to what could be. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth jumping even though you can't see the bottom? I've found that even though you may not know the outcome of a situation, if you waste an opputunity or give up easily, you will go through life wondering what could have been.

Sometimes you just gotta jump...